The Journey Before the Journey

My dreams of Ireland started at a very young age. When they started I cannot entirely pinpoint but I do know that for as long as I can remember when someone asked me the rather common "if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be..." question, for some reason I seemed to always so confidently say Ireland. So I knew I had to go, eventually at least. Little did I know the Lord in all of His goodness intended for me to go much sooner than later. I'm not there yet, mind you, but in a short month my childhood dreams will have come true and I will get to love on the people I have imagined talking to my whole life. But first, let me tell you about the journey I've had before I've even arrived on my journey to Belfast.

What on earth is up with the paperwork?

I found out that I got accepted to Stranmillis University College early on in the spring semester and from there the paperwork began. Not only am I the first Rogers girl to study abroad, I am also the first University of the Ozarks Education major to study abroad for a semester and whether I liked it or not, I have been the guinea pig in most all departments I am a part of. I have to become licensed to become a teacher in Arkansas, so finding classes in another country with a completely different education system that matches that of little ol' Arkansas' was one of the first major challenges. After that it was getting this signed from this person, that recommendation letter from another, a random payment here, a panicked email there, but I can confidently tell you that all of the official, or "adult" stuff as I like to call them, are done. This happened about a week ago and I've never felt such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. But I promise that our dear Lord has used every bit of my panicked self to teach me more about His goodness and my inability to do this life without Him.

The Lord has changed my heart.

If you know me at all, you know that I am pretty easy going. I like to laugh and I see myself as more of a glass-half-full kind of gal, so when I saw or heard of people dealing with things like anxiety, depression, or worry I was never able to fully empathize with them, because by God's grace I had never experienced that. Well that changed pretty quickly into the hoop jumping competition I was in with the World when it came to planning my trip. I had never had an anxiety attack before, but now have experienced two throughout the summer trying to figure out how the heck I was going to live in a foreign land by myself for three months. This sounds backwards, but I am truly grateful they happened, because now I am able to empathize with those that struggle with this all the time and can point them to how Jesus helped me. I had three problems going against me that I had to overcome:

1. I wasn't talking to the Lord enough. It takes a relationship to feel His peace, love, grace, kindness, etc, etc. It says in Jeremiah 29:13 that we are to seek Him with all of our heart and that when we do that we will find Him and he will listen to us like the dear Father he is. Once I started talking to Him, unexplainable peace followed.

2. I wasn't asking for enough help. I found out a very hard thing about myself: I am rather prideful and independent when it comes to the planning and achieving of goals. We need each other, people. I remember the moment my dad looked at me and said, "Annie, will you please let me help you with something?" and I broke down in tears because I knew that is precisely what I needed ( 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Hebrews 3:13).

3. I didn't truly believe God was my provider. This has been a long time coming and I am still working on my "worldly" self giving up control of my money to allow the Lord to bless people around me, but this truth has been the most humbling and awe-inspiring thing the Lord has shown me. He tells us in Luke 12:24 that He provides food for the birds of the air, and how much more valuable are we than the birds. I asked the Lord a couple of months ago to really teach me to live as if He is my sole provider and He has truly done a work. Giving me random job after random job, and I have seen how while I am being so blessed by these people giving me jobs that I am also able to bless them with my service to them. I have been able to show them Jesus through my attitude while working and also give Him all the glory for the job and money provided. My dear friend and mentor Boston told me to write His blessings down so that I never forget this truth. I highly encourage you to do this same. Here is an example of how I've been doing it this summer to show and remind myself that my Lord truly does love me and wants me to do His will.

My Job Now

I've felt very idle the past couple weeks, like there should be something I'm doing, but the biggest blessing is that I really don't. THE NIGHTMARE IS OVER (just kidding, but really, but also kidding). I was talking to my dear friend Matt about how I have no more work to do other than prepare myself for Ireland and also be praying for the people. He then told me, "Just have relationship with the Father. It is that simple". What a solid truth. I think I've made it all too complicated this summer when really the whole time I just needed to be involved with my heavenly Father, going to Him for guidance and peace, and always looking for ways to glorify Him. My life is His, and because of that the people of Ireland will see Him through me. Because I love Him. I just love Him a whole lot.